I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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