So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
