Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
