Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize