shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
