Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
