Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize