Please, let me fuck your mom
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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