it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
