I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
