Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I want her autograph on my taint
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
