Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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