I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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