This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
