is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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