i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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