Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
