he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize