Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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