mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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