kristin has been a bad kristin
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
