Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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