I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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