When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize