hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I am midnight drunk by noon
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
