id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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