Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
