whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
