I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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