We won't sleep together?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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