I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Randomize
