So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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