She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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