sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize