the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
