Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
