Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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