I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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