oh god the rape fog is back!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
