Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
