so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
