I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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