just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
