He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
