Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
