Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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