Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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