Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
