Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
