Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
