I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
