Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
