It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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