Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
