Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
