Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
