Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize