im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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