fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
