somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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