Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
