girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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