2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
