I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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