I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
