im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
