I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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