dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize