i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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