1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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