and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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