maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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