I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
